Colonic Hydrotherapy. Ha.

31 Jan

Sooo, a Colonic Detox haaay? Yuuupp, I went there. And boy, am I glad I did! Now I’ve just got to figure out how to make this post readable and try to not give you the shits (I’m sorry, I had to). Colonics is a very hard topic to write about. Some people hate it, some people love it, some people are confused by it, some just would rather not think about it and some people are just plain against it. I used to fall into the “confused/not-really-sure-about-it-would-rather-not” category but I now fall into the “love-it-in-a-strange-way” category. Haaaah.

Let me get some background info out of the way first before I launch into some serious poo talk. I’ve always found colonic hydrotherapy interesting. Always wanted to know more about it, what it does, how it does it, other people’s experiences and what they thought of it. Not to mention what actually comes floating out. Eww haha, too much? I’m sorry! You’ve been warned though, this post is not for the faint hearted or poo averted. It will also contain a whole heap of really bad puns. Even though I was really interested in finding out what it does and how, I found that no-one really wanted to talk about it or even confess that they’d done it. Hm, strange I know. Colonic cleansing not a popular dinner party conversation? Strange, I know! So I thought I’d do my own little investigating online and came across these (1, 2, 3) little gems written by Yasmin Turker and Zoe Foster from They pretty much convinced me that I needed to get onto the colonics stat.

image via Colon Care Clinic website

Via a referral from a friend, who finally opened up about her experiences after quite a lot of prodding (heh), I finally hauled my arse (!) to the Colon Care Clinic in Camberwell, Melbourne. They were very professional and embarrassment was kept to a bare minimum.

As soon as I walked in, I was given a brief form to fill out and taken to my own private room with the machine and a “horizontal toilet” as my therapist liked to call it. She explained to me how it was all going to work, what would happen, what I should expect to feel and how it was all going to happen.

I went in quite excited but was feeling a little daunted by the fact that I would uh, have to pop a tube ‘up there’ to get everything out. Never fear though, the tube was very small and she also provided some lubrication to help. Leaving me alone for a few minutes to erm, pop it in (I should probably stop saying ‘pop’), my therapist went to warm up a little hot water bottle thingy for my tummy and to ease any abdominal pains.

Long story short, she came back, gave me the little hot pack to help relieve any oncoming cramps, turned on the hose thingy and I then went on to experience the weirdest sensation ever. The hose sent water flowing into the colon and basically filled up my whole large intestine, re-hydrating it and loosening up any err, debris that was floating around in there. You pretty much feel like you have to let go and poop at this stage. Just putting it out there. However, that’s the last thing you want to do apparently. She told me to hold on for about 4 to 5 minutes initially before letting go because not only will your colon drink up any of the purified water, it will also help to soak up, break down and loosen the stubborn stools. I’m not going to lie, it was pretty difficult at first. I was getting some pretty bad cramps similar to ones you get during your period and I desperately wanted to ‘let go’. So grateful for the hot pack though, helped with the cramps immensely.

After about 4 to 5 minutes, my therapist told me I could let go and she left the room to let me do my thang in peace. I’m just going to throw this out there, but this was the bit I was most looking forward to. Why? Cos there is a clear pipe running under the pipes where you could see what was coming out. I’m gross I know, but disgusting things are always just so fascinating! This went on for about 40 minutes. The whole holding-water-in-release-stare-be-disgusted-but-strangely-transfixed business. After the first holding-water-in-phase, you don’t need to hold it in for as long, just as long as you can keep it in. I probably held it in for about 3 minutes.

The whole session goes for 40 to 45 minutes and is seriously not that bad.

I felt so much better even after my first session. I’ve had a total of 3 sessions and on the Colon Care Clinic  website, they list a bunch of benefits and gee whiz, I can safely say that most of these were definitely being ticked off!

* Increase in energy and vitality
* Natural detox
* Feeling positive and relaxed
— Glowing skin (not too sure about this one, skin didn’t really seem to be extra glowy…)
* Reduced symptoms of bloating and IBS
* Flatter stomach
— Natural weight loss (meh)
— Relief from constipation (uh, I wasn’t actually constipated in the first place but I did find it was easier to ‘eliminate waste’ afterwards)
* Feeling of lightness
* Elimination of parasites (my oh my, you have GOT to see this! So GROSS!)
— Improved digestion (no idea)
— Regained muscle streangth of the colon (again, no idea really)
* Improved mental alertness (I felt lighter so yeah, I guess!)

They generally recommend at least four sessions or more to really get in there and cleanse all the stubborn built up grit out. One session was about $80 however they do have deals and packages.

For more information just click on the Colon Care Clinic website or if you have any questions, comments or qualms feel free to ask me!!

What do you guys think about colonic hydrotherapy? Would you ever do it? Why/why not?

So yeah, there you go! I’m now a fan of colonic hydrotherapy. Say it loud, say it proud. Okay, maybe not too loud.


5 Responses to “Colonic Hydrotherapy. Ha.”

  1. Kimmi @ The Plastic Diaries February 1, 2011 at 2:51 pm #

    It is amazing that you wrote this. I had one done on Saturday and it was the worst experience of my life. I have been in intense pain ever since. I have been ummmmming and arhhhhing about whether to post my story or not. I think mine would terrify people even though I had a rare reaction. What do you think? Should I post the ‘down side’?

    • Daniella February 1, 2011 at 7:22 pm #

      Hey Kimmi,

      Yeah, I was umming and ahhing over whether to post this or not for a while just cos I thought it wasn’t exactly the most appealing post…

      I definitely think you should post your story and what you went through so people have a chance to see two sides of colonics. Are you feeling better now? Have you contacted the place where you had it done?

      I hope nothing’s wrong and you’re all better now! xx

      • Kimmi - February 4, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

        Ok I think I will bite the bullet and do the post. You have given me the courage!!

        I am still a little sick but I won’t give it all away, you won’t read the post then hahaha. The place I went to told me at the time it was a really rare reaction so there isn’t anything they can really do. I guess it is just not for everyone (even though I really wished it was).

        *sigh* Stay tuned for story!!

  2. Marusya V May 15, 2011 at 11:18 pm #

    Well.. to be honest I was interested in this treatment. Great to know its not painful and really has lots of positive results!
    Thanks for being brave darl and sharing with us:)
    Marusya V

    • Daniella May 24, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

      Hi Marusya,

      Yes, I was quite apprehensive about posting this, but glad to know it’s been a helpful post!

      If you’re interested in this treatment, I’d recommend doing a bit of research on some clinics first to see whether they’re legit or not. Have heard 1 or 2 dodgy stories!


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